oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
