you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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