That's intense
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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