nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
