I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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