you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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