Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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