If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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