remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
