two words: eviction party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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