Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
