And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
