I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
