She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
