I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
