hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
