ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
