I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
