Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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