im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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