When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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