You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they're like a gay fantastic four
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
