i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
