I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize