i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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