walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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