70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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