just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
