I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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