I just pynch a tree in the face
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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