Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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