6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize