I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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