I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
