Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
