My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
