I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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