You can't special order awesome
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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