Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
