just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
