You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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