her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
