It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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