I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
