Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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