I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
