After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
