i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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