do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
