Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
