shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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