No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
