I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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