I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize