I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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