Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
