if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
