you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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