They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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