first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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