I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
