I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
